Wednesday, December 16, 2020

The Comparison Game



I’ve been in a funk lately. Post-autumn is really when it set in. Naturally, the pandemic is playing into this with restrictions; however luckily there seems to be an end in sight with the vaccine. I am feeling a bit hopeful in that regard, but nonetheless I’m still feeling off. 

It was definitely catalyzed by staying at home so much, which I know many can relate to. Even as an introvert and homebody, it’s been challenging at times. Ultimately, I am happy to lay low. One of the many takeaways from this year is the clear impact we have on each other with our actions and willingness to follow the rules. I know my staying at home and greatly limiting “normal” activities can impact the safety of others and myself, so it is worth it. But I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been hard at times. Surely that is a sentiment that can be felt by others. 

During this particularly dormant time following fall as the days become shorter and colder, I’ve been left more time with my thoughts. Similarly, more aimless scrolling through social media. As a result, I’ve found myself falling into the comparison trap more consistently. 

It is human nature to compare, and it's not to say you aren't happy for the individuals either. Joy for the other person can coexist when the comparison game strikes. But there comes a point where comparison is very damaging and toxic. It’s one of those fickle things about the human condition, isn’t it? 

I’ll find myself wishing that I was doing more, like others I see online. I’ll be critical of my content, as I’ll question the value it has to myself and others. (It’s felt a bit stale and superficial lately, not going to lie). I’ll dwell on the hardships I’m currently faced with (of which there are a few at the moment unfortunately that I don’t share online, but c'est la vie). I’ll be down on myself for not doing better or reaching certain goals I’ve set. This is especially true being the end of year and reflecting on those goals set at the start of 2020. I’ve just felt disappointed and tired. And perhaps this all really stems from me comparing my present to pre-pandemic life even.

In these instances where a heavy pressure rooted in comparison weighs on me, I know it’s time to snap back to reality and get more grounded in the present. It is a wake up call to practice gratitude and reflect on the things I have accomplished and can control. Frankly, it's been a strange year!! Regardless, always in these times, “Comparison is the thief of joy” echos through my mind. 
 
This is not to say positivity should be forced, as I certainly believe there can be such a thing as toxic positivity. But life does have ups and downs. During that cycle, it is ok to step back and reevaluate, while still going through the emotions. Truly, comparison is the thief of joy, though. And that person you are comparing yourself to, likely has a lot going on offline, just as you may. So there isn’t much point in comparing one unique journey to another is there? 

Essentially, that last paragraph is a message to myself, but incase you’re experiencing similar emotions, I hope this has helped in some way. Personally, I find writing things out to be very cathartic. Once upon a time, that was a large part of my blog sharing those points of reflection. I miss that. Anyway, here’s to hoping for some positive momentum for us all! 

Much love xx

Sincerely,

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